I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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