You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
