The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
