Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
