her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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