I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
