Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
