She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
