dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
