i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
