i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
