The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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