Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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