More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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