3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
