I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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