You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
