he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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