last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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