If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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