I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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