Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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