My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
