I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
