i think my mom watched the whole time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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