Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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