he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
