she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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