He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
