i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
