I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
