Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
