You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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