No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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