Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
