Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
