So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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