tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
