You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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