my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
