hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
