Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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