So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
