Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think my moral compass just broke
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