I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
