so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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