fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
