i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
