I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
