Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
